THE ROAD and the UPDATE
PASSENGER’s LOG Stardate 9 AUB 2022
It has been quite awhile since there has been any real update from the decks of the Starship. It has been a busy group of months and much activity has gone unreported. Here is where we will report a couple of those unreported things.
Many of you know that I have been on OFAV for a few months now. Part of the reason the doctor wanted another set of tests now before our next appointment was to see if the baseline of about 64% lung performance changed much i.e., Did the disease progress? The good news is that it is still very similar. There was not enough change to say the disease was progressing significantly. The CAT scan of the lungs showed no amount of scarring large enough in addition to what was already there to indicate any progress of the disease either. YAY!
However, (there is always a however) seen on the CAT Scan of the lungs were bodies or nodules that could not be identified. Dr. N wants to go in and physically take these nodules so they can be examined and identified.
AUGUST 10th at 9 am I will report to the hospital and at 11 am I will go under the anesthesia so all I have to do is sleep! I’ll be home, assuming all goes well, on Wednesday afternoon.
Now you know about everything I know and so much more!!
THE ROAD TRAVELLED
To say that this road, particularly in the last six months, has been an uneven ride is to not do it justice! Even now as I write this at about 5pm I am so exhausted it is difficult to complete a sentence correctly. I try to catch a nap in the afternoons but on days when that does not happen, I am not much good from five o’clock on.
Tiredness, emotional weariness, lack of strength is supposedly a common thing and most who are going through something that is life-altering would agree! I have found that the emotional rollercoaster that comes with dealing with such a disease can be helped if you talk with your doctor about it and medications can assist in smoothing out some of the rougher curves.
I would like to report to you that this experience is growing my faith. It may be in some ways because when I am most desperate I realize in the final act, all I can do is trust God. There isn’t another alternative. But, have I found myself clinging more to His word and prayer time? The honest answer is no. I seem to push away from it more because it sometimes will exacerbate the raw emotions about leaving family and losing my children’s and grandchildren’s futures. I know there is also a comfort there but it is all about timing. The heart has to be ready for it and trying to force it onto the heart only makes it worse. Yes, I think there is a correlation that the more we spend time in the Word and worship the more our heart will be ready to receive. That is like standing in line in the military to have two corpsmen with air pressurized guns each with six or eight needles with vaccines in them to hit you in both arms at the same time while you stand there and take it. You need it. You know you need it. But, if you were not threatened with things you could picture to be worse than death by your Drill Sergeant, you wouldn’t do it. It is a conundrum. One which I have not yet solved. Avoidance is easier in the short run but I wouldn’t recommend it for the long haul.